ok, finally it’s working. first, editing the config.txt is much more reliable than blacklisting. Second, i needed to change my 5ghz wifi channel (after using an analyzer) to a much higher channel 153 from 44. much less occupied. now i am able to access everything , even after a few reboots.
it must be that precise location in the house, because nothing else had an issue on that 5ghz wifi channel. Crossing my fingers that it lasts. I expect it to, because changing the channel seemed to immediately get it to connect